yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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