so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
