i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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