Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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