she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
