It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
