Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Never underestimate the power of titties
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