i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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