Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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