i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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