I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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