So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
