The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Im part way to drunk.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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