I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
