WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
