I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
