Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
