K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor