Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!