I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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