Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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