There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize