He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
