I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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