yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
