You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
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Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
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I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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