the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
