I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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