it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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