Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
