Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
