just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
