I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
