Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
accomplished twins. life is a go
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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