I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
