well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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