I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
