I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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