Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
