That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
