in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I checked into jail on foursquare
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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