i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
