i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
