Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
