She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she looked like the before picture.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
