You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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