Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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