my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just high enough for therapy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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