no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
