I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
