i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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