We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We are all done wearing pants today
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
