Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
