dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
