areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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