im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I supernannyed him into submission
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
