It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
