I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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