I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
