Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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