his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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