WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
