upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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