Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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