This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
