this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
