you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
