I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw a hot homeless man
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just puked most of my soul out..
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