a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
