JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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