I want to have your abortion
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
