the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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