last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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