I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
