Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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